Freckles and Magic
by Fendie
Summary: Hawke is so sure that she is unlovable and that the man she wants doesn't want her. How wrong she is...


A/N: A fill for the DA KinkMeme, so of course its got kink, folks! Beware!

Tara Hawke never did consider herself pretty, or even cute, but she figured she was lucky not to be overly ugly or deformed; she was just "odd" looking. It was her younger sister who had been blessed with all the good looks in the family. But it was hard to hate her for it because she didn't flaunt it or even seem to be aware of it.

_Maker, Bethany…_

Growing up in a family with two apostates had left little room for bonding or making friends as they never stayed in one village long enough for people to get to know them.

It hadn't helped that as a child she had been a scrawny and weird looking. Her blond hair had always been short and her skin was covered in freckles, it had made her and easy target for bullies. If it hadn't been for Carver's intervention on several occasions she might never have began her training with daggers and just ended up being useless and killed in the blight.

She could still remember this one time when a few of the older children were teasing her about her odd spots. Tara had been in tears when her nine year old baby brother storms up to the kids, they had been at least two heads taller than him, and swings his wooden practice sword at the biggest ones head.

Sure, they both got one hell of a trashing after that, but when the two had been limping away he'd told her that: "No one teases my sister, that's my job". That memory still made her all fuzzy inside and brought a smile to her lips.

After that her father had crafted her a pair of wooden daggers (well they had been tiny swords, really), and she'd practiced everyday with them. To think that Mother had thought it was just a phase she'd outgrow.

At age nineteen she had considered herself lucky enough to snare one of the local farm boys to her and succeeding in getting rid of her virginal status. It hadn't been serious between the two and she couldn't even remember the boy's name. But then again, it hadn't been important back then so why should it be now?

It had taken a few years for her to come to terms with the fact that she was going to end up alone and unloved by anyone she wasn't already tied to by blood. But it was hard to be constantly seen as just "Hawke" or "that Hawke girl with the daggers". Never as just Tara Hawke, the mildly attractive woman one might consider falling in love with.

With the death of, firstly, her father and then Carver, she had to put her self-loathing aside for the sake of her family. The Hawke women migrated, like so many others, to Kirkwall in the Free Marshes where they hoped for a fresh start and shelter from the blight.

The Hawke sisters and their new compatriot, Avaline the fierce warrior woman, joined forces with a mercenary band called the Red Irons simply to get into the blasted city. During their time with the Irons she practically had to beat men off of her poor naïve sister, which did nothing for her self-esteem.

During their years in Kirkwall it felt like she couldn't throw a rock without it hitting a handsome man that would never consider even looking in her general direction. But there was one man she just couldn't stop thinking about; sadly it happened to be a man who was way out of her league.

Anders was his name, a devilishly handsome rebel mage. But she knew that she never stood a chance with him, he was too busy with his cause and he was far more interested in her sister. The two of them shared a plight she could never compete with; they were both mages and forced to live under similar circumstances.

They would make an adorable couple and they would have several adorable babies.

Void take them…

"Bitter much?" The voice in her head (who sounded suspiciously like Carver) supplemented sarcastically. But it wasn't that she was bitter, she was simply being realistic. She did her best to forget her little infatuation with the mage and focused on doing what she did best. In other words wallow in self pity and being the town's go-to-bitch for anything that needed doing.

So when Bethany and she went into the deep roads and it was due to Anders quick thinking that she hadn't lost her only remaining sibling, sure she was Maker knows where killing darkspawn, but she was alive. That was enough, for now.

"Hawke, get your head out of the clouds and take out that archer!" Avaline roared as she charged forth and proceeded to tear into a foe.

Hawke shook her head to clear it and pulled her twin daggers from their sheaths and rushed the archer before it could aim another arrow at her companions.

It wasn't a particularly hard or long fight and they all walked away with only minor injuries. Hawke thought she got the worst of it, during the battle she'd taken a wrong step and her ankle was protesting still.

But it was a good day with no one in her group of friends had to be carried down to Anders.

"It would be a shame, wouldn't it?" Isabela mused as she strutted around the corpses and occasionally bent down to check their pockets for valuables.

"What would?" Hawke absentmindedly answered as she tried to put weight on her sore ankle. It felt sprained, she really hoped it wasn't because she wasn't in the mood to see Anders about it.

"It would be a shame to waste all of this gold we just earned?" She said and funneled the gold she'd palmed into her own coin purse with a grin. "I say, drinks are on these unlucky fellows tonight!"

"Oh you don't think they would mind?" Merrill asked as she tried not to step in any of the blood pools while trying to reach Isabela's side.

Hawke unconsciously shifted her weight and the sharp protest of her ankle reminded her that it was a long walk down into Lowtown.

"'Course not, Merrill" Isabela laughed and turned to Hawke "So are you coming, Hawke?"

"Some other time, Isabela" Hawke said mock casually and offered her fellow rogue a cheeky smile "I've got a long awaited date with my bathtub and one of your books"

"Oh ho ho!" The saucy rogue laughed and winked "Who needs books when I can set you up with a very…very well endowed friend of mine?"

Hawke snorted and she could practically feel her well practiced defense mechanism, also called sarcasm, spring into action.

"Whatever men you'd set me up with would most likely not have bathed in months and wouldn't be able to tell my clit from my kneecap, so no thanks"

This is when Avaline rolled her eyes, made her excuses and quickly left for the barracks. Or maybe to meet up with Donnic, lucky woman.

"Fair point" Isabela laughed and hooked arms with Merrill "Have a good night on your own, Hawke, a very good one"

Merrill followed Isabela to the Hanged Man for what she could just assume would be an educational evening. Damn her ankle to hell, hopefully Varric would take pity on her and give her the juicy details tomorrow.

Which left Hawke alone to try and limp back to her estate without attracting any more thugs on the way. The estate felt so lonely now that her mother wasn't around anymore, sure she still had Bodahn, Sandle and Orana but it wasn't the same. The only one she truly had left now was Maric, her mabari.

With a drawn out sigh she stumbled into the hallway and locked the door behind her. Maric came over to her as soon as she stepped through the door, seems the dog had been waiting up for her again. Sometimes he did that when she went out without taking him with her, it was sweet.

"Come here boy" She cooed before dumping herself onto the bench to rest her poor ankle "Carry me up the stairs, will you? No? …Fine, be that way"

"Mistress Hawke, are you alright?"

"Orana?" She squinted at the dark shape in the doorway. "Oh yes, just a sprained ankle."

"Should I get your healer, mistress? I don't like Darktown, but I will go if you want me to!" the poor girl rambled but stayed at a distance.

"I don't want to bother him, Orana, and don't worry about it" Hawke sighed and rose to her feet again "But help me get up the stairs, will you?"

Orana rushed to her side and awkwardly let her rest her weight on her shoulders. The girl guided her slowly up the stairs and even helped her get undressed and then into bed.

Sometimes having servants spoiled her rotten.

"Thank you Orana, now go to bed. Oh, and sleep in will you?" Hawke said with a tired smile as the elven girl timidly nodded and left.

When Hawke didn't drag Anders away from his clinic, he would spend his days healing the wounded and working on his manifesto. But as of late he got the feeling that Hawke had been avoiding him, she hadn't come down for healing or asked for his help in over three weeks. This was unusual since she was both incredibly clumsy and had a very berserker like combat style. Which for a rogue, was very stupid in his opinion.

So it was only natural that he was getting worried, but he was also getting very impatient and annoyed.

When Isabela had invited him to the Hanged Man for drinks and wicked grace he had joined them in hopes of confronting Hawke about it. But he found out that she'd retired early and he was stuck playing a few hands before he could leave.

When he finally returned to his clinic he sat down heavily on one of the cots and let out a deep breath of frustration. Justice had been pushing him lately and not having Hawke around to distract him was really taking its toll on his sanity.

He was pulled out of his brooding by a soft knock on his door.

"Healer?" A vaguely familiar voice whispered, he rose from the cot and opened the door with half a mind to send them on their way again. But when he saw who it was he opened the door fully to let Hawke's servant in.

"Yes?" He asked, for the love of the maker he couldn't remember her name.

"I-I" She stuttered and wrung her hands "The mistress said to go to sleep and that she was fine b-but…"

Ice dripped along his spine as horror set in.

"Hawke? Is she alright?" he was already across the room and shoving ointments and potions into his pockets.

"Oh no, well y-yes!" she cleared her throat "The mistress hurt her foot and she is in a lot of pain, but she doesn't want to bother you"

"Just her foot?" he slowed down and looked at the girl

"Yes"

"And she refuses to come see me?" He didn't even look at her as he spoke. Hawke was going to stupid lengths to avoid him, even risking her own health.

This had to stop.

He stormed past the nervous elven girl without even hearing her out and straight up to Hawke's estate in Hightown.

The dull throbbing of her ankle kept her awake, it didn't hurt that bad but it was uncomfortable and hard to stop thinking about. She tossed and turned and even grumbled loud enough for Maric to jump of the bed and trot into the hallway, most likely to bunk with Sandal.

"Traitor" she grumbled halfheartedly before settling back against her pillows and counting the little stars on the inside of the fabric covering her four poster bed.

So far? There were many.

She was too focused on trying to relax and counting the stars to hear her front door open and close gently.

"Is there a reason you're avoiding me, Hawke?"

She jumped high and might have squeaked out loud as Anders voice spooked her. She jerked to a sitting potion and swore loudly as it put unnecessary pressure on her wounded ankle.

"Maker's balls, Anders!" She cried as her heart began to slow down again "Ever heard of knocking?"

"I did, but no one answered so I let myself in." he replied casually, but the subtle twitch in his unshaved jaw told her that he was feeling anything but casual. He showed her the key she'd given him for templar related emergencies before pocketing it again.

"I didn't give you that key so you could break into my bedroom!" Hawke's cheeks were not so slowly turning red as she tugged her bedspread up to hide herself.

He didn't dignify that with an answer and just walked around the bed and to her side while she glared daggers at him. The whole situation combined with his intense gaze felt far too intimate and it made her uncomfortable.

"You have been avoiding me, Hawke" He said coldly after a few moments of silence "and it's gone so far that you ignore personal injury so that you don't have to see me"

Someone told on her? Damn it, when she found out she was going to strangle them with the laces of her boots.

"Who am I talking to now?" She spat "Anders or Justice, because I can't tell"

She instantly regretted it when she saw the flare in his eyes at that, he simply glared at her before he planted himself next to her on the bed.

"I usually expect a man to buy me dinner before he gets into bed with me" She muttered awkwardly and tried to scoot away from him but he grabbed her by the arm and held her fast.

"Let me heal you and I'll leave you all alone again"

"No really I'm fi-"

"Hawke"

"Fine, but you're sitting on the covers" Maker, she thought her heart was trying to escape her ribcage and run away. She wished she could run away too.

He raised from his seat enough for her to worm her leg out from under the covers and plant it in his lap. Granted, she might have let her foot drop a little too hard.

When she last looked at her leg it hadn't been that color of purple or that swollen. Great, he must think her a complete abomination.

He shifted the fabric of her nightdress up to her knee before he carefully laid his hands on the swollen flesh. The feel of his magic had always left her feeling comfortable and close to sleep. She always felt safe and, maybe, a bit drugged when he worked his magic on her.

"So are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding me?" He rumbled gently.

"I haven't-"

"Don't lie to me, Tara" So many things about that made her freeze up in confusion. He never used her first name and never in that short clipped tone. That combined with those narrowed brown eyes and his magic pumping through her system made her not want to lie to him.

Hell it made her want to jump his bones.

"Damn mage" she murmured and tried to shake the effect of his magic "I haven't done it on purpose…I just, you know?"

"Once more, why have you been avoiding me, Hawke?" He said sternly and then he did something she never thought he'd do. He shocked her. It was just a little jolt but it made her flail.

"Maker, Anders!" She cried and tried to jerk out of his hands but he held her leg still. "Back in Fereldan that's considered torture!"

"Stop being such a baby, Hawke" He grumbled and continued working on her ankle until she relaxed again. His strong hands worked her aching flesh while his magic soothed the rest of her body. "Are you going to tell me why you are avoiding me, now?"

It didn't take long for her to feel drowsy again and to relax back against her pillows. She knew he was right, that she had been avoiding him for her own selfish and cowardly reasons and that he had a right to know why. But she wasn't ready to risk losing their friendship over something this stupid and trivial.

"I'm sorry Anders, I know I haven't treated you fairly but it's not something you've done or…" She sighed deeply and averted her eyes to stare at the top of her bed again "Well, it's just something I have to get over, ok?"

"Don't I deserve to know why?"

She almost whined out loud when he stopped pushing his magic into her body

"I can't tell you"

His response was to shock her again, making her jerk in his grasp and gasp as the little jolt of electricity raced through her system unexpectedly.

"For crying out loud, Anders! That hurt"

"Can't or won't?" The infuriating mage asked icily.

"I can't, alright?" Hawke spat and kept tugging at her trapped leg.

He sighed and let her go and she went sprawling back against the headrest with a low thump and loud cussing.

"Well it would seem you've made your choice, Hawke. You've decided to leave me out of your life and I won't try and change your mind about it" He rose from his seat and brushed off his feathered pauldrons and gave her one last look before he turned to leave. "Good bye, Hawke"

"Wait!" Her stomach dropped at the prospect of him leaving now without understanding. She didn't want him to leave and never come back. She thought she was going to die if she never got to see him or even argue with him again! "You can't leave now"

"Why not, Hawke?" he stopped and turned at the waist to look at her, his eyes burning into hers and making her turn from him lest he see the raw fear simmering in them.

She heard his torn boots walking across her soft rub and he firmly cupped her jaw to make her look at him.

"Tell me why I should stay, Hawke, and I'll stay for as long as you want me to."

She struggled for words, what could she say to keep him with her while not risking losing him to her own stupidity?

"I…it's just that I…" She sighed and actually dared to meet his eyes, his big brown eyes were narrowed and she tried to plead with hers. "I…I"

"Maker's balls, woman" He hissed and he crushed his lips to hers in a forceful possessive kiss.

Her first thought was: _Andraste's holy underpants, Anders is kissing me. Respond Hawke, respond! _ Kissing her wasn't the right word, he was making love to her mouth with his tongue. If she hadn't been sitting she would have swooned.

When he did pull away from her she followed and latched onto his sweet lips again making his chuckle against her lips. She couldn't get enough, maker his lips were sinful.

When the lack of breath made their lungs burn they pulled apart to gaze at each other.

"Who would have thought you'd be lacking initiative, Hawke" He breathed against her jaw.

"Tara" She corrected instantly.

"Tara" He agreed with a tiny smile. "Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do that?"

It took her breath away; that this amazing and handsome man would want to kiss her and her mouth ran away from her before she could stop herself.

"Why?" She blurted but quickly tried to backtrack when Anders began laughing at her. "I mean-"

"Sweetheart, don't you know how amazing you are?" She had to still herself so that she would flinch away from his hand as it graced her cheek. "You are the most beautiful, strong woman I know. And it helps that you are a bloody brilliant kisser too"

Hawke stared at him and tried to mask her disbelief but it was too late for that.

"Void Hawke, you really have no idea, do you?" With new purpose he slid even closer to her. His strong arm tugged her closer by the back of her neck until their foreheads touched intimately.

"You are bloody gorgeous" He murmured "Your legs seem to go on forever, the sway of that perky ass of yours is enough to make any man instantly hard, I can't count the times I've had to stroke one out after following you around for a whole day".

The heat of his words made burned down her abdomen and curled deeply in her core.

"I can't have a conversation with you without wanting to taste your lips, they look so soft…" he leaned close and pressed his lips against hers in a rough peck "and now I know they are "

"Your eyes are so expressive; I can always tell what you're thinking."

"That's not a good thing"

His eyes sparkled and his lips curled into a smile.

"It is when you can't hide your feelings for me, Tara"

She settled for a shy nod.

"And don't get me started on your skin" her stomach dropped in horror and she averted her eyes "I can tell that your freckles have given you so much hardship but they are so beautiful I just want to kiss every single one of them until you believe me how bea- hmmmpf"

She threw herself at him and tackled him onto his back on the bed. Their teeth and foreheads knocked painfully for a moment, but the potential awkwardness was lost as she struggled to communicate all that she felt at that moment through her bruising kiss.

All pretenses of subtlety and gentleness evaporated as she tore away his silly feathered pauldrons and threw them over their heads and onto the floor. While she tore at his clothing he was not lying back idle, he was busy dealing with her smallclothes.

As their clothes quickly joined the pauldrons on the floor her desire for him only grew as his lean body was bared before her. She cursed the shadows obscuring her view but at that moment she had more pressing matters to attend to, such as his thick length throbbing against her stomach.

He let his fingers slowly trace up her arms and then down her sides, his thumbs briefly flickering over her hard nipples and she thought the suspense was going to kill her.

Impatiently she reached down between their bodies and grabbed him in her strong hand. The power she felt rushing through her at his sharp intact of breath, was short-lived as he pried her hand off of him.

"Sweetheart" he breathed against her neck and rolled them over so that she was underneath him "I need to be inside you when I come"

The thought of him filling her to the brim with his seed made her wetter than she'd ever been before and she gyrated her hips against his impatiently.

"But you've got to tell me you want this first, love"

Oh that manipulative son of – The smirk on his face was enough to make her want to smack the back off his head, but her need was stronger than both her pride and will to snark.

"I want this, Anders, I want you-" She all but moaned and she could tell that his name on her lips had the desired effect as he drove into her with one savage thrust.

It didn't hurt, it stung a little sure, but the immense satisfaction of having Anders, her mage, inside of her like this for the first time. It erased any feeling of discomfort and made her arch against him, her body craving more already.

"Maker, Tara, I'm sorry" He bit out even as her inner muscles were trying to coax him into moving.

"Oh, shut up Anders" She laughed and wrapped her legs around his hips "screw me now, apologize later"

"You're not making this easy, you know…"

"Good, that means my evil pla- Oh maker!"

When his hips began moving again it tore moan after moan from her, she'd never thought sex could be this wonderful. She always thought Isabela's books were over exaggerated and pure fiction. But if it was going to feel like this every time, there was a good chance Kirkwall was going to have to fend for itself while she spend the rest of her days in this vary bed with Anders tied to her bedposts.

His hands were everywhere and she felt as though she was going insane from the sheer sensation from it.

"You're always on about my magic, Tara "he breathed in her ear and she had to put in a lot of effort to make out the words "let me show you…it has its benefits"

Another jolt of magical electricity entered her system but this time it made her explode around him and cry out his name in ecstasy. Her orgasm milked his own from him and he came with a hoarse grunt, the feeling of his seed filling her made her almost come again.

They rested against each other and she found comfort in his weight on top of her and was saddened when he rolled off her.

Now what? She thought, what was she suppose to do now? Did he leave now, should she make food?

Maker's balls, Hawke. You just slept with a man you're not in a relationship with, he must think you're a total slattern. Oh void, she was such an idiot! He was going to hate her now!

"Stop thinking, Tara" He mumbled and pulled her against him" I'm not going anywhere", and just like that she knew that it was alright if she didn't have all the answers because Anders wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

They had time to figure it all out in the morning. For now, she would be content with resting her head against his chest and letting the strong thumping of his heart lull her to sleep.


End file.
